The Joys and Trials of the Holidays, a Mindful Perspective
Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, New Years can instill a sense of fond recollection in the minds and hearts of many, while conversely activating old memories of holidays gone wrong for others. Some find their experience of the holidays somewhere in-between the joyous sound of bells and the clamoring of plates being washed stressfully after a family dinner gone off the rails. This time of the year can evoke nostalgia of awakening on a Christmas morning to unwrap that much anticipated playstation while for others a welling of tears as they feel the absence of a loved one no longer there. And yet through these various experiences of tradition and family we return year after year to these rituals. Often they are done without reflection on what they are all about. Lacking any sense of meaning in them, the moments of stress can feel like yet another, absurd annual toil of familial obligation. Towards a different experience of the holidays this year, here are 2 mindsets that may foster depth and inner freedom in whatever mayhem or merriment you face.
Values: Get clear on what within yourself is meaningfully engaged when you go to sit down for that Thanksgiving dinner and Uncle Tom starts in on the lack of infrastructure guarding the southern border. You don’t get up and storm out instantly, why not? What is it for you that wraps those asinine moments in a bow of meaning. Perhaps, it’s the challenge of engaging with someone of a different worldview, prying open a larger capacity of mind to entertain such divergent viewpoints. Perhaps it’s what the relationship means to you and the kind of person you want to be in it. Maybe it’s a deep respect for time honored traditions worth passing down to the next generation. When we get in touch with our values, it unveils the inner gifts of hardship that are often lost beneath the piles of trashed wrapping paper on the surface.
Mindfulness: What do you start to think when you’ve maybe had a few too many, but not enough to completely tune out the grief of missing your late mom who was the matriarch of every Christmas gathering to this point? Does your mind start looking for distraction or thinking about anything else than the pain that’s there? Mindfulness helps us honor the sacredness of these moments by fully showing up to the pain and pleasure of each experience which color the days with vibrancy. Mindfulness, turns our attention towards what just this moment in its fullness is like. It does not seek to exclude what is unwanted but opens the door to all the guests of our inner life, even old uncle eddy. This can seem counterintuitive at first and maybe even masochistic, but when we approach our painful thoughts and feelings with a kind sense of witness, the experience of living a fuller and richer life is allowed to occur.
So this holiday season, see if you can sprinkle a greater sense of connection with your values and mindful participation into those moments you would rather just avoid. Maybe others around you or the events themselves don’t change, but something in you does that leaves you with a richer sense of relief as you exhale on your drive back home.