Depression, Life’s Darker Dimension
To go through a period of depression is to be granted entrance into one of life’s darkest innermost chambers. Life force, will, fight for continued existence can all feel like foreigners replaced by fatigue and listlessness that accompanies one of the darkest shadows of human life. This feeling is substantive, heavy, unlike the lightness or fluidity of other emotions. It becomes hard to move, eat, smile, talk. Looking into the future feels like looking into an ominous storm fast approaching. All feels lost and exercising will can feel like a vane struggle.
If you have gone through a dark night of the soul, you will know exactly what these words mean beyond letters on a page. If you are going through such a period in your life, even getting to this second paragraph is quite the accomplishment. While the clouds of depression feel like they have stalled above you, they are not the sky. Behind their seemingly impenetrable gloom lies a vast sky that certain rituals can help to reveal.
Validate the pain. It’s so important to not dismiss the difficulty of what you are going through. The person you are when you are not experiencing depression is still there but the capacity isn’t. Be kind towards that unwanted visitor who has shown itself in this form of depression. Fighting it or judging yourself for not being able to do as much as you are accustomed to will only irritate it.
Tune into the soulfulness, the character that depression is bringing into your life. Depression invites certain mood states and ways of perceiving life that one is not ordinarily privy to. You may find yourself inclined towards certain kinds of music or certain literature. Sitting and staring at a candle or contemplating the absurdity of consciousness may feel inviting when at other times they would not cross your mind. Depression may make you question everyday norms that have been taken for granted. It can usher in a processing of loss that may have been unattended for far too long. These changes do not need to be immediately dismissed as some symptom of a malady that should be gotten rid of. They deserve the light of awareness to work through. If you receive common place platitudes from others such as, “look on the bright side, come on it’s not that bad, don’t worry you’ll feel better soon, oh you’re just being pessimistic,” don’t feel bad about dismissing the simplistic advice. There is a profound richness in depression that is worth knowing, both within yourself and in relationship.
Start each day at 100/100 instead of 0/100. While there are still the demands of everyday life on you and you may feel a sense of dread at just trying to keep up with life, consider shifting your expectations. Instead of starting the day with the perspective of working from 0, consider yourself being whole and complete and whatever you accomplish over the course of the day as a welcome achievement beyond the goodness of simply being you. One of the hallmarks of depression is a feeling of worthlessness or pointlessness. This feeling only grows however when we heap undue expectations on ourselves that set us up for feelings of failure. As contrived as it may seem, credit yourself for the basic accomplishments you make over the day.
Reach out to fellow travelers. Do you know a family member or friend who has gone through their own version of a dark night of the soul. Connection with others can be either draining or comforting in times like these. Consider carefully who you engage with as you may feel very little interest in reaching out at all. Talk to someone you can trust who has an appreciation of the varieties of human experience and who can understand the features of this dark landscape.
Watch your mind. Depressive thoughts vary in their content but almost always have a negative bent. They may tend to ruminate on past regrets. They may envision a future of ruin. They may attack the heart of your being. They may conclude things about yourself that you wouldn’t tell your worst enemies. No matter what the thoughts may say or the shadows they may cast, there is something that can help to vitiate their power. That is seeing them for what they are, thought. No matter how true the thought that “I have irreversibly screwed up my life” may seem, it is just a product of neuro-chemical firing appearing in subjective experience as a word, image, or sound. Become observant to what your mind does when it is feeling depressed. Watch the dark clouds of thought roll in and through like a storm cloud without forgetting that it is simply a weather system and not the new climate of your life. Remember times you’ve thought differently about your life when in a better mood and notice how connected your perception of your life is to how you feel. You are not what your mind tells you, you are you.
Grieve what has passed. Often depression comes upon us as a result of grief that has not been felt. You may have experienced the loss of a loved person, pet, dream or expectation of how life would be. Turning towards the pain of that loss can feel counter-productive at first. You might find yourself turning away from it to anything that might preoccupy your attention and restore a sense of normalcy to your life. How understandable when the givens of everyday life have been striped away. However, this simply perpetuates the sadness and deprives one of the value that can come from a full accounting of what had been taken away revealing the preciousness of what had been given. Grief can be engaged in ways that do not require completely breaking down. Find what resonates with your heart. This might be taking time to sit on the chair your loved one sat in so many times. This might be joining a grief support group. This might be writing about what it feels like to have life make such an unexpected turn. This might be asking a friend to talk. This might setting up a small memorial that you visit regularly to maintain your enduring relationship with the one who has passed on. While the person, pet or dream may have died, grief and remembrance keeps that relationship alive.
Connect with the body. When we experience depression our thoughts can be like a dark cloud that has settled upon us. The thoughts can take us away from a grounded connection with our bodies. A compassionate attention towards the feelings of our body can bring us back home to the immediacy of the now. You might find a body scan meditation to be a helpful avenue towards reconnecting with your body. You might find engaging a certain sense such as smelling lavender or sitting in a chair filled with positive memories to be just what is needed. One may find stretching or exercise or yoga a helpful pathway into the body. When we connect with the body, we can unhook from painful thoughts that keep us in the cloud of depression.
**Crisis and Immediate Help Resources
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, or experiencing a mental health crisis, please take action immediately. This blog is not a crisis resource.
United States: Call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) at any time, day or night. This service connects you with trained crisis counselors who can provide confidential support.
Emergency: Call 911 or your local emergency services immediately.
Local Services: Go to the nearest emergency room or hospital.
Your well-being is the priority. Please use the resources provided above for urgent care.